It was the end of 2011, I was sitting on the receiving end of an incredibly uncomfortable conversation. Up until that point in my life there weren’t many people who were willing to speak to me so candidly. The small town I’m from knew me as the loud, wild girl with no filter when speaking. As I sat there and listened to the hard truth coming towards me, it really started to hit me. My friend Brian who was really my first, and at the time only good friend I had made working at Disney explained in a loving simple way what he saw happening. He might’ve been the first one to ever break through my “thick skull”. Explaining to me why people didn’t like working with me, and why I wasn’t invited out to social outings. His words hit me like a freight train, because it was then that I realized my negative mindset, thoughts, and attitude truly was affecting so many areas of my life. I’ll forever be greatful for that conversation. It changed my life.

Up until that point I easily played the victim in the scenarios I found myself. Often times I would deflect blame on others in situations, instead of owning up to my own actions. Being the wild and loud girl, was a badge of honor in my opinion. There were so many situations as a child I endured that allowed me to develop the habits of a negative mindset. Constantly being around arguing and fighting in my household conditioned me to think that’s how relationships worked. There was never anyone to truly guide me and help me understand how to cope with emotions or stand up for myself in a strong BUT respectful way. Throughout my school years I simply got by and looking back it’s painfully obvious that I became my own worst enemy. Now don’t get me wrong, I know my childhood could’ve been far worse but the way it affected who I was, had me completely in-aligned with what I really wanted in life. To be loved, to have meaningful connections, and honestly to just be understood. A chip on the shoulder made me a hard worker, but it was almost as if I was out for payback. Because up until that point in my life where Brian helped me see my own true colors, I acted as if everyone else should understand how hard my life had been and why I am the way I am. Unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way. I’m glad it didn’t take me longer to learn it, and I hope that I can help some of you make that connection as well with my story to better your own life.

From that moment I am mediately started taking action. Direct action, apologizing to those I had hurt or pushed away. Working towards being intentional in my conversations and connections. God really gave me so much grace in that year of my life. Many of the situation is that I had gone back to resurrect turned out really positive for me. It’s as if he allowed me another chance, although let’s be honest I’ve had many throughout my life. 

One thing I’ve realized since then is that having a positive mindset and attitude in life is not a on and off switch. You cannot just flip the switch on and expect it to continue staying on. It’s a daily choice, it’s an intentional decision. The crazy thing is not many people know this about me me. Especially now that I’ve built a large social media following. But that’s the exact reason why I have built this community, to encourage and inspire others to want the best version of themselves too. For so many years I allowed myself to believe I am simply broken, and there is no fixing who I am or how I naturally act. But that’s not the case. I think so often we see others with a life that we would love, or a mindset that we wish we had. Sometimes it’s hard to believe that it’s possible for us to have that too. But nothing is impossible if you’re willing to invest in yourself, work on yourself, and grow. Nothing is impossible if you are willing to change.